Thursday, May 20, 2010

Til I find the righteous one... Computer Blue

Last night, I downloaded 27 Prince songs from I tortured David's daughter with my jams all afternoon...

I was reminiscing about Junior High School and telling Alex how Chris Woolard and my brother would pick me and my best friend (Debbie Keener) up from school every now and then. Chris had an 84 GT Mustang and we would tear out of Brandon Jr. High School's parking lot blaring 1999 and waving to all the losers who had to ride the school bus.

Alex laughed and said, "Isn't funny how YOU THOUGHT you were so cool back then, but when you look back now... you guys were really so nerdy?"

I said, "Um no, Alex. We actually were cool. You're the nerd. We were bad ass... for real."

I'm feeling like it's time to trade my bug in for a mid-life crisis car.
Jimboo and I would really be cool then... for real.

Are you going to be visiting Myrtle Beach this summer??? If so, please check out Myrtle Beach Kids Stuff for all the absolute BEST Myrtle Beach attractions! We have pages for all of the Myrtle Beach Amusement Parks, the Myrtle Beach Aquarium and all of the fantastic Myrtle Beach Water Parks.

Myrtle Beach Kid's Stuff was my first project with Jan and it's now the top site for kids attractions in Myrtle Beach! One day I would love to make it to the first page for the highly coveted 'Myrtle Beach Attractions' key phrase! You can help! Check out the site- take a spin around and look at some of the great hotels that are kind enough to post ads!! Hooray!!

High on my list of priorities... staying out of a mental ward.

This has nothing to do with the beach or the good life and I don't give a hootie patootie. This blog is a rant and not about anything happy so stop reading if you were hoping I was going to spread some joy... Yep. My inner child is pissed off again!

My friend just lost her dad. He struggled with addiction much like my mom. She commented how sad it was that he only had a few possessions left for her to go through- his girlfriend took off with the few meager belongings he had to his name and the only things left for her were a couple of shirts and some pants that the nursing home gave him. There is a good chance that her dad's girlfriend isn't even aware that he passed away. I didn't ask Cindy, but I'm guessing that her dad's girlfriend is a struggling addict too.

The whole situation has ticked me off and brought up some feelings I thought were long packed away and now I am up at 3:45am on a manic rip. I always felt angry about my mom and why things were so damned hard for her. Why couldn't she just have that little tiny house with the white picket fence that she wanted so damn bad?

Was that just too much to ask for? It sucks and makes you question what we are doing here? What's the whole purpose? Why is life so good to some people while it hands others nothing but crap?

Don't come back preaching how it's all about the choices we make. ANY ONE OF US COULD HAVE GONE DOWN A SHITTY ROAD. The wrong best friend, the wrong boy friend, the wrong things available during a time of crisis.

There but for the grace of God go I. There but for the grace of God go I.

My mantra.

It's the only reason any one of us aren't out on the streets smoking crack and shooting heroin. Don't pat yourself on the back or think you're special just because you didn't struggle like my mom or like Cindy's dad. We just got lucky, I guess.

Speaking of God, I was just cussing him out today. (And I am not joking. I have a strange relationship with him since my parents died. I am still pretty ticked off and hopefully he understands and will forgive me for screaming at him in my darker moments.)

Anyhoo- I'm not gonna lie. It's been a hell of a ride with Dave's kids lately and I have to wonder how God could take away my wonderful family who loved and cared about me so much- and replace them with selfish, ignorant, creepy little boys (one of which continues to pick his nose at age 24, another who doesn't think shampoo is necessary and the other who thinks he is a brilliant prodigy because he knows how to use dental floss.)

Mr. Dental Floss sat down Monday night and told David that he was here to take all he could get from us and was not staying in our house to contribute in any way. This is how he justifies not taking out the trash, leaving dirty dishes, and not even putting a dime towards the gas in the car Dave let's him drive.

He honest to God, actually said, "Dad, I'm not here to contribute..."
This is the kid who is sleeping in my 600 thread-count sheets, raiding my closet for the Calvin Klein towels, gobbling down $30 a bottle vitamins that I bought by the handful and eating a half gallon of Breyer's premium ice-cream in one sitting. Every bit of toilet paper that has wiped his little white hiney in the last 6 months has been purchased by me (probably with a coupon!) The sense of entitlement makes me want to vomit and I want to pummel him.

John McEnroe help me out here!!!

(Thanks John.)

Did the kid really just say that?!
I am still frothing at the mouth- I swear I am.

Right now I am like a rabid dog and Dave has to keep pulling me away because I am pissed off like Cujo. If it were me- Mr. Fancy pants would be riding a bike from this point forward and sharing a bowl of kibble with Jimboo. Oh, who am I kidding?? My little pooh-berry Jimboo doesn't eat kibble...

He looks at it, rolls his eyes and waits patiently for me to share my Filet Mignon with him. But the kid? Yeah- I'd be feeding him Jimboo rejects.

For now- I feel better just getting this off my chest. In fact, I am thinking about blocking all the kids from my facebook account so I can bitch about them more often... OH WHATEVERRRRRR!!! That would only enable them to continue being little creeps.

I need to get them out of whatever crazy land of denial they have been living in. I will be the guiding light... it's my new mission. Come on boys, Melissa is going to show you the way to the promise land!! Thou shalt honor thy father... Follow me!!

(I freaking love this pic and will use it every chance I get!)

Back on subject. Dave is such an amazing guy-- are these kids seriously cut from the same cloth? Do they have brain damage? Is this just a phase? Was I a huge asshole too at age 20 and have just forgotten?? Help me understand!!!

ok. I'm done with my rip now. Now I can go and sleep like a baby.    sigh.

Anyhoo- no matter what- I have to keep my eye on the golden ring, which is building a little empire of high ranking websites and not letting these kids push me completely over the edge before I take over the world. Staying out of a mental ward is high on my list of priorities right now...

Onward with the shameless self-promotion!

The newest site is Attorneys-SC. This website is going to eventually have a directory of SC lawyers that will include divorce lawyers in SC, car accident attorneys in SC and any other type of lawyer someone in South Carolina might need.

The directory of SC attorneys is a work in progress! I built the template for the site, edited the photos, created the background tile (which I think is horribly horribly cool!!) and wrote the content.

My buddy, Jan Chilton, is my Myrtle Beach SEO extraordinaire and works tirelessly behind the scenes to get our sites ranking in Google, Yahoo, Bing, etc. It's no easy job, but she's a champ and we have no fear.

Pop onto the new Attorneys-SC website and have a look around. Oooh and Ahhh a little. We like the colors and think it's sleek and sophisticated. Now if I could just get myself to start working on that darn directory of SC lawyers!!! It's the easy part, which makes it no fun at all to work on.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

A Day in the Life of the Easily Distracted...

  • I have a box full of gifts that I have never gotten around to mailing to my little nephew, Jack. These are gifts that started with Christmas and kind of grew from there. They have been piling up on my kitchen counter for months. After several failed attempts to make it to Virginia and hand deliver the presents, I decided to mail my tokens of love and affection. I want my Jackie-Bear to have his presents before he becomes an adult... somehow I don't think he will appreciate his Sponge Bob Hippity Hop Ball as much when he is 23 years old. I'm not sure what happened next, but I do know one thing: the gifts were sitting on the counter weeks later. The box? Nowhere to be found.
  • I finally found a box and stacked all the gifts in it. Again, a couple more weeks have come and gone. The box and the gifts are still here. They mock me from my kitchen table.
  • Today is the day. I decided to include a note to my brother with the gifts explaining how much I suck and that I am sorry for not visiting more often this year. I just can't seem to get it together.
  • I sat down at the computer to write the letter and started checking emails. I am the editor extraordinaire of my HOA's newsletter and there was a request to include some additional information before sending the final draft.
  • The quick two minute edit took a couple hours. I started digging through the internet for some clip art to compliment the new information. Its impossible to find the perfect graphic and everything has to be completely reworked in Photoshop... so says the addict. 
  • I plug in the new clip art and add the requested content.

  • The edit completely throws off the forces of nature and I quickly decide the entire newsletter format needs to be tweaked so that the powers that be will once again be happy.
  •  I saved the final draft and got ready to send it via email to the property management company. I double-clicked on my email icon to attach newsletter and ship it off, but got sidetracked by an email from my buddy and roommate, Michael.
  • Saint Michael. He parties like a rock star, always has a ton of women surrounding him in these crazy bar pictures where he is dancing on tables and grinning like a Cheshire cat. He uploads thousands of pictures a week of all these wild parties. Women call him at all hours of the day and night. I hear Michael on the phone in his room crooning to them, "I love you baby..." But Michael insists they are all just good friends and he is not romantically involved with any of them. I started calling him Saint Michael.
  • So I had this idea!! OMG- that is my next blog. Saint Michael! I pop on his Facebook account and start saving pics to file and working on the content in my head. I grab a picture of Michael with two Hooter girls, another pic has him going low on some chick in a dancing cage and finally one with Saint Mike in a conga line of about 10 women dressed to the hilt...
  • Did I mention that Michael has had about 5 back surgeries? hahahaha  His doctors are ready to string him up. Nothing stops him.
  • I have been working on the blog for a while and decide to head to the kitchen to grab a drink. I'm like- wow. That damn box is still sitting on the table!!!  Darn. I totally spaced on my mission of the day. Maybe the gifts should be individually wrapped? It's the least I could do for my Jackie-Bear since he has had to wait so long...
  • Like a bunny, I race up the stairs to grab the wrapping paper and dash back downstairs. I am on a mission!
  • I have tape on my desk, but need scissors. Shoot. They are in the dishwasher. (Um, no the dishes aren't clean- I forgot to start it after last night's fried chicken dinner.) I used the scissors to trim chicken fat. ewww. I don't even want to touch them. They are all icky with day old chicken goo.
  • I walk to sink to wash the scissors, but there is a lot of stuff stacked up in there dirty. Maybe if I reorganize the stuff in the dishwasher, I can make more room and fit them all in.
  • After cleaning out the sink and starting the dishwasher, I notice a stack of cooking magazines on the counter. Man- I need to figure out something for dinner. Maybe I can find a recipe real fast...
  • I see this kick-ass food thermometer that Cooks Illustrated has rated as the absolute best of the best. It is soooo much what I need to be a better cook. I decide to check out the pricing on the internet... shoot!! My email pops up after the screen saver clicks off. I need to send the newsletter! I totally spaced on that. AHHHHHH
  • And now? Well, I finally emailed the newsletter but Jimboo reminded me that he has to pee and doesn't know how to sit on the toilet yet. He doesn't know how to open the front door either. However, he does know how to dress! Jimboo- you look sharp!!

  • While I am walking my little man, I have another brilliant idea for my blog... A Day in the Life of the Easily Distracted!! And you know what? It's 10:00 pm and that damn box of gifts is still sitting on the kitchen table and off hand... I'm not exactly sure what I did with the scissors. Instead of doing anything worth a poot in the wind, I'm writing this blog and thinking about what kind of goofy picture I can come up with to go with it.
  • Round and round and round she goes... where she stops, nobody knows. (AKA: another day shot to hell.)

And now ladies and gentlemen, its time to brazenly promote my new pet project!

Whether you're looking for nursing home attorneys in SC, worker's compensation lawyers in Horry County or car accident attorneys in SC, our latest website is an excellent resource to help you find the assistance you need.

Visit Attorneys-SC and check out our page on how to find a good lawyer. This website is still in the works, so be on the lookout for new medical malpractice pages, personal injury information and a directory of South Carolina Lawyers.

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Luckiest Girl in the World

Oh yeah baby!! I totally found my day-timer bite guard!!

You know what that means, don't you?? Yep.
Not only am I sooo much a winner AGAIN...
but I have saved even MORE money.

Count the Benjis. First I saved $250.00 by buying the day-timer and night-timer at the same-timer!
(sorry, I couldn't help my self on that one)

PLUS now I don't have to buy a replacement day guard...
That saves me $250.00 more!! Woo Hoo. $500.00 bucks baby.
$$$  That's cold hard cash in the bank.  $$$

I truly am... The Luckiest Girl in the World.
(I'll try not to spend it all in one place.)

And now onto the unabashed, wanton promotion of one of my favorite websites!! Feel free to click on the links below and peruse the site.   :)

Have you been searching for pool builders in Myrtle Beach? Every day can be just like a vacation when you have a custom concrete swimming pool built by Arnold's Pools. Arnold's has been building pools in the Horry County area for 30 years and they are your absolute number one choice for pool contractors in
Myrtle Beach.

Do you already have a pool? Don't go looking for swimming pool stores in Myrtle Beach! Arnold's Pools will bring the swimming pool store to you! Ask about chemical delivery service and pool maintenance plans.